A Lot of Crazies Out There

I've been on the job hunt for a few weeks. As the end of the semester draws near, so too does the end of my cushy government allowance, which I use to pay for rent, food, bills, and miscellaneous expenses if there is any money left over (usually not). This is a fact of which I am growing more acutely aware with passing days. I have a couple more installments scheduled to come in over the course of the next month or two, and after that I am completely screwed if I don't have a job.

Job-searching is, of course, difficult for anyone in this economy, but it's especially difficult for those of us without college degrees. There's nothing I can do about the fact that I don't have one. Even if I planned to stay in college beyond this semester, that wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a degree now, and I'd still need a job for at least the summer to cover the cost of living.

There are a few things that royally piss me off when it comes to this whole college thing:

1. Everybody thinks of a diploma as some sort of proof that you're responsible and capable. I mean, have these people ever met ANYBODY in college? Some of the most irresponsible, heads-up-their asses, can't-form-a-sentence, showin'-up-drunk-to-class, no-studyin', flyin'-by-the-seats-of-their-pants (or leggings), usin'-daddy's-credit-card, brain-dead, low-life miscreants I've ever encountered.

2. Just because these people somehow manage to float through college with a C- average, they get to put something on their résumés that automatically makes them more qualified for jobs than I am in the eyes of employers.

But all that doesn't really matter so much to me right now, because, at the moment, I'm not looking to land some big-deal corporate job. I'm trying to work at, say, the mall. At most, I'd like a clerical job as an assistant or secretary. This is entry-level stuff I'm talking about. Nothing I can't handle.

Anyway, after the past few weeks of, "Thank you for your interest, but we have decided to hire another applicant," I guess I was in sort of a vulnerable place last night when I applied, on a whim, for a job at an (alleged) event-planning company which was "opening soon!" according to the ad I found in the times. I emailed my résumé along with the following letter of interest:

"To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing to you today because I am interested in the position of Office Assistant at Eastern Greene Always & Forever Weddings & Events. I am friendly, dedicated, hard-working, detail-oriented, and enthusiastic about helping others. I am also very interested in event-planning and would be eager to assist with that process in any capacity. Although I have never held the official title of "Assistant" before, my previous work experiences in offices did involve quite a bit of assisting. Please see my attached résumé. If hired, I would be available to work any days of the week, including weekends. I am most interested in a full-time position, but am also willing to work part-time.

Thank you for your consideration; I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Abigail King"

Now, imagine my surprise and delight when, just half an hour later, I received this email response:

"Hello Abigail, are you available to meet me at the College Mall tomorrow?? If so, I will get with you in the morning to schedule a time for us to chat

I am limited on time, as I have a flight to Orlando, we are opening a new store in Kissimee...

Thanks, Christy James"

Now, immediately I had a problem with this woman's obviously poor writing skills, but I thought, Whatever, this is a job, and some people just can't write. So I sent a reply:

"Hi Christy,

Yes, I am available tomorrow and would be happy to meet with you. Feel free to give me a call any time.

Thank you,

Abigail"

But I still wanted to be careful, since this company was not yet established, and people on the internet do some crazy things. So I told myself that if she actually called me, and I could hear her voice, and we'd be meeting at a time when there'd be plenty of witnesses around, I'd go to the interview. So, this morning, I woke myself up bright and early to make sure I wouldn't be groggy when the call came in. While I waited, I decided to check my email:

"I plan to be at the College Mall around 10 when they open~do you text? if so, text me at 9 @ xxx xxxx (this is text only) no calls please, that phone stays clear for customer call ins.

Thank you! I will copy Dena and Terry~so they see I am coming early to place items in two cases."

Followed quickly by:

"Please bring your resume~if you possibly can."

Now, I may be overly paranoid, but something about these emails was beginning to feel a little too much like, "I am Nigerian Prince, writing with regards of your payment of $14.1 million dollar." I just didn't feel right about agreeing to meet somebody early in the morning at the mall without even hearing her voice first to make sure she's like, you know, even a woman.

Also, what kind of business person won't spare 60 seconds to call a potential employee and set up a meeting? I find it hard to believe that her phone is constantly being lit up by calls from clients at all hours of the day, if her business isn't even open yet. Also, that whole, "I will copy Dena and Terry~so they see I am coming early to place items in two cases" thing...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I have so many questions! Who are Dena and Terry? Are they men or women? What role or roles do they play in the company? What does this have to do with me? What sorts of "items" need to be placed in "two cases" before the mall opens? Is this a drug drop-off? Why do you exclusively use the tilde instead of a hyphen?? Why, lady? WHY?

With all these things swirling around in my mind, and the fact that I had not yet eaten breakfast, I began to feel a bit of a sinking feeling in my stomach. Was I really about to possibly risk my life in order to work for a woman who wouldn't know proper punctuation if it bit her on the tokhes? No. The answer was no. So, after some careful deliberating within my own mind, I decided to write her back:

"Hello Christy,

I want to thank you again for your consideration and prompt response to my inquiry. However, I must be honest and tell you that I am not fully comfortable with this meeting. Since I have never met you, and I know very little about your company, I would have liked to at least hear your voice on the phone before meeting you alone, even in a public venue (especially since you suggested meeting during that venue's least-busy hour of the day).

Also, if I am to be completely forthright, I should tell you that it seemed rather unprofessional to me that you would cc two of your associates on an email to a person outside your corporation without mentioning their titles or explaining their roles in the company. I am also not sure what you mean by "[placing] items in two cases," but quite frankly this struck me as odd and irrelevant to our correspondence.

At this point, I think it would be best if you were to pursue other applicants for this position. I am simply a cautious person, and I don't like to go against my gut instincts when I see red flags. If you are indeed operating a legitimate business venture, I hope you will take my notes into consideration in your dealings with other potential employees.

I wish you and your growing company all the best, and I apologize if I have wasted your time.

Thank you again,

Abigail"

I know I may have gone a little overboard, but the way I see it, I'm never speaking to this bitch again. I don't particularly care if she thinks I'm a nutter butter. I think she may be a nutter butter.

A few minutes later I received these emails:

"No problem, I am a very busy business Christian woman, seeking a personal secretary..

Have a blessed week!!

Sincerely, Christy

Sent from my iPhone"

and then,

"Needed to let u know, it was just to be a quick meet, before my flight..

Thank u for your time!

Sent from my iPhone"

I can't say I don't feel like I totally dodged a bullet today. Business Christian woman? Really?

The hunt continues...